About Us

CLUB MATTER

August/September 2002

by Susan L. Ward
Adapted from the Club Management Seminar at the 2002 Governing Council

A few years ago, B.L. Wylie (mother of 1992 Olympic silver medalist Paul Wylie) spoke to parents at the U.S. Junior Championships about the difference between entitlement and empowerment. As role models, parents can raise their children to feel empowered and self-motivated, or they can raise them with expectations, leading them to feel that somebody owes them. Clearly, we, the parents, make a choice.

We enter the arena as advocates for our children — the young participants who may yet become young athletes. Or they may not, since much depends on a child's inner drive and innate talent. Much also depends on our resources and willingness to support the commitment and sacrifice of time, energy and money. The rest is a matter of good fortune — being in the right place at the right time and seizing the moment, as Sarah Hughes did at the 2002 Olympic Winter Games.

As parents, we are the consumers, and we have free will. We can select a rink, and we can have our pick of coaches. We can choose from an array of clubs or register as independent members. As beginners, we cannot know that all rinks do not operate with the same standards. Does the rink manager belong to the ISI or STAR program? Do all the coaches belong to the PSA and work on ratings?

What we expect from our club and what we will do for our club largely depends on our approach to life, consumerism and organizations. What a club has to offer may depend on what kinds of programs it can support in the rink it uses. As parents, our expectations can differ in the early stages of our skater's development. Hopefully, we will learn something from coaches, judges, and USFSA officials and programs along the way. But there are some of us who learn too little too late.

Today, we have intense sport parents in every outlet. Money is the root of this whirlwind of expectation. We have only to look at the salaries of sports stars to see how money has affected us all, including coaches and parents.

Parents are typecast in every sport. In skating, USFSA's PSA representative, Robert Mock, wrote about parents from the coach's perspective as type I, II, III and as "lobby" parents. From the club perspective, there have always been high-maintenance parents. How we deal with them is a lesson in diplomacy. Patience as a volunteer is required.

Some of these descriptions are not flattering, but perhaps you will recognize some of these parents:

1. The Takers

We are driven, highly competitive and focused only on the success of our child. How much bang do we get for our buck? We change rinks, clubs and coaches to get the best and most attention for our child. We want service, and we want it now. We expect the club to be available at our convenience to sign test papers and competition applications. We will call you at 7:30 a.m. or 11:00 p.m. if we need something. We want to see competition results on the web site the same day. We don't have time to help — we're too busy shuttling our skater from the rink to ballet to the gym and to school. Other parents whose kids aren't as talented can volunteer. If you don't like what we're saying, we don't care. And if you don't do what we want, we'll just join another club!

2. The Control Freaks

We are highly motivated. We want to be involved in our organization because that's really the best way we can ensure that our skater is having his/her needs met. Our favorite positions are the test chair and the club secretary because they are very visible in the skating community. These positions are "hands on" and allow us to know everything that is going on in the club and keep tabs on the rest of the board members and skaters. We get to invite the judges, and we can arrange test sessions when our skater needs a test. Other people come to us to get their test and competition applications signed because we run the show. We get most other parents to help, and usually they will do what we ask them to do. Even the coaches cooperate with us. If we do a good job running things, it might help our skater gain special attention from judges.

3. The Participants

We bring our kids to skate, and we might volunteer to play music for the club sessions. We don't get involved in club politics, but we will help at the annual recital or the fundraising drive. We're realistic — we don't expect our skater to make it to the U.S. Championships, but we do want her to enjoy herself. We realize that some parents are pushy, and they get most of the attention. Really, we're not jealous; we have more modest goals. We help out when we can, but this is just one activity in our week. We expect our club to be fair and apply the same ice rules to everyone, back us up if we have trouble on the session, and send us a thank-you note for our help at least once a year.

4. The Stop, Drop and Run Parents

Remember Big Bird who used to tell the kids to stop, drop and roll in case of a fire? Well, we're the parents who stop, drop off our kids and run. There's no fire, but there's a great sale at the mall. Don't worry, we have cell phones. We gave the coach our number in case of emergency. We can't hang around for two hours — it's just too cold. If our kid wants to skate, let him. We don't go to school with our kids, and we don't sit through piano lessons. Why do you expect us to hang around? We have too much to do. Our club? Yeah, we're members. We sign up every year, but that's about it. The coach says we might have to get more involved as our child progresses, but we don't want to spend too much time with those other parents. They're a little scary.

5. The High-Maintenance Parents

We are extremely anxious because we're new to the program. The coach doesn't have enough time for us. The coach teaches 15-minute lessons, and we really need someone to hold our hands for another 15 minutes. If the coach can't do it, we expect our club president, or at least another board member, to be at the rink 24/7 to answer our questions. We're newbies, so we feel it would be best if someone else ran the sessions and played the music. Maybe next year we can help with something, but please don't ask us now. We really need to wait and see how things go. We're sure you understand because you know so much more than we do! After all, you've been here longer ...

There are truly many dedicated parents out there, and many of them become volunteers for good reasons. They decide that by helping their clubs, they can contribute to the skating community in a positive way. Ultimately, their children see them supporting and valuing the club.

The best club volunteers develop a tough skin in order to deal with the Takers, the High-Maintenance folks, and the Stop, Drop and Run parents. They work with the Participants to maximize their willingness to help, and they even learn to manage the Control Freaks. It isn't easy to be a volunteer, and burnout is frequent.

Clubs can help by updating their bylaws and rules to be consistent with the policies of the USFSA. Clubs can educate parents by providing seminars, newsletters, a telephone chain and web sites to maximize good communication. Clubs can treat parents as valued members as the rink treats them as valued customers. Clubs that allow parents to hold board positions can train them to be fair to all constituencies of the club. Parents who hold board positions need to remember which hat they are wearing, especially when they deal with other board members' children and adults on the session.

A club represents the USFSA and provides a significant service to its members, who provide the backbone of the club. A club is greater than the sum of its members and is shaped by the character of those who volunteer. We must strive to be fair to all members and put into practice the mission statement of the USFSA. Whatever our parents expect, our members deserve no less.